10 years ago, after having spent some time as a Tantra teacher, I was asked by a psychologist if I would help his male clients experiencing sexual problems like erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation.
It began a professional career for me that I had never even dreamed of – working with people around sex and intimacy.
Prior to that, I had seen sex as something quite enjoyable (even more so once I had discovered Tantra, an ancient form of Yoga that embraces sexual energy) and something that usually made people happy. This job showed me sex is so much more.
Working with men suffering dysfunction opened my eyes to just how much our sex lives impact our overall happiness and wellbeing.
I came to see sexual wellness as a vital part of our overall wellness.
The sexual problems these men faced impacted their confidence, their relationships, how they performed at work and their overall happiness.
Helping people discover fulfilling, loving, satisfying intimate lives became my life’s work.
Sexual wellness is of course more than not having a sexual dysfunction.
Sexual wellness is our ability to:
- enjoy ourselves sexually
- have satisfying intimate relationships
- feel confident in regard to sex
We’ve probably all heard the innumerable health benefits sex offers, like being a form of exercise, helping us release feel-good hormones and endorphins, being able to relieve headaches and lowering stress.
Sexual wellness goes even further.
Our culture has a lot of fear and shame around sex, especially for women.
The result is that many of us don’t know important details about how we function sexually, how we could be enjoying ourselves more or just feeling shame and embarrassment around sex. It leads to common problems such as women struggling to reach orgasm, mis-matched sexual desire levels, low libido and pain during sex.
Take my client Sarah* as an example.
Sarah was a married mother of two children and in her late 30s when she began seeing me. She told me things were generally good in her relationship, the problem was she was just never in the mood for sex anymore – and it was starting to impact her relationship.
In working together, we discovered that her sense of guilt and shame around sex was holding her back in the bedroom. We found that she was very timid in her relationship in general and her partner would often talk over the top of her or make decisions without consulting her. We also discovered that she didn’t know what to ‘do’ in the bedroom or what she really enjoyed. Overall sex was a pretty average experience for her.
Throughout coaching, Sarah noticed changes in many areas of her life. She learned to ask for what she wanted in the bedroom and at the same time she also started speaking up and sharing her opinions at work. She and her partner discovered a more equal partnership which left her feeling in the mood more often – and as their sex life improved they felt even closer. Her newfound confidence and happiness also changed her relationship with her children.
When we’re holding ourselves back in the bedroom, we’re holding ourselves back in other areas of our life too. Often I see in women who are not enjoying sex or who are struggling to reach orgasm, a lack of pleasure in all areas of their lives – they’re not allowing themselves to feel good on so many levels.
Boosting your sexual wellness offers so many benefits. In addressing sexual wellness we also often address issues like anxiety, depression, general health and self-worth. My clients tell me that when they really embrace their sensuality and whole-hearted sexuality they feel more ‘alive’ and inevitably get comments about their radiant energy and glowing skin.
Your sexual wellness deserves your attention. You deserve pleasure, confidence and deep love in your life.
Here are 5 ways to boost your Sexual Wellness:
- Take care of your overall health and wellbeing.
- Practice Kegel exercises – you pelvic floor muscles need to be strengthened just as much as other muscles.
- Take a sensuality or Tantra class
- Discover what you like sexually and don’t be afraid to enjoy yourself.
- Know that experiencing challenges around sex, orgasm or intimacy is common. There are great sex and relationship therapists who can help you resolve them.
*Client’s real name has been changed for privacy reasons
Learn more and download her FREE ebooks ‘Reconnect for Couples’ and ‘Secrets for Love, Pleasure & Soulful Intimacy’ .