First date advice: ‟a quick after work drink before you move on to have dinner with friends – remember you’re busy and fabulous”

Emily Chadbourne And That Crazy Thing Called Love!

So much more than your average dating coach, Emily provides expert coaching advice that can be applied across your whole life and entertains us with her hilarious videos. This is our favourite chick when it comes to navigating That Crazy Thing Called Love!

How did you get into being a dating coach?

For an exceptionally long time (like, 32 years) I was horrible at relationships. And I mean, absolutely terrible. Finding myself nursing yet another broken heart (this time on the other side of the world from my friends and family – yep, I came to Australia for a boy!) I decided something needed to change. And as I was the only common denominator in all the crappy relationships I’d ever had, I decided it had to be me. And that’s when my obsession with the relationship between men and women began.

Your videos are hilarious; I love how you compare dating advice to business and general life. Can you explain further how dating is not a solitary activity separate from the rest of our lives? 

Dating is just relationship building at the end of the day. And it is my observation that those who are ‘successful’ in business are phenomenal at building great relationships with resourceful people so the parallels are plentiful. I believe that the quality of your life is dictated by the quality of your relationships, and not just in the romantic sense. Who we surround ourselves with and how supported we feel by our ‘tribe’ has a huge impact on our success and happiness – we are not designed to be alone and with the rise of social media, we are arguably more connected than ever. But the contrast is that there has never been such a feeling of isolation in society – how many of you know your neighbor’s names? We’ll happily LIKE a strangers Facebook comment but won’t say hello to an actual human when we walk past them on the street or sit next to them on the train. I’d like to see a world where people smile at each other more and so I make funny videos to spread the message of love to as many people as I can.

How do you feel dating is different now to 15 years ago? 

 As I said, the world has shifted in the ways of social interaction in a big way. Social media plays a huge part in the dating landscape of today – this is a dangerous time for self-esteem! We seem to be more concerned with constructing our perfect life on Instagram than living it in person and this has had a direct effect on how we feel about ourselves, how we interact with each other and how we date.

Online dating has boomed in the last decade and a half and it can’t be ignored. The stigma around meeting online has faded like an autumnal tan, but the rise of free dating apps has seen a darker side to the phenomenon. I speak to so many women who tell me they’re dating but what they really mean is they’re sat at home watching TV alone and swiping on an app. That’s not dating; it’s a colossal waste of time.

Time spent trawling through online profiles can be much better spent by investing in self. When we nurture the relationship we have with self, we boost self-esteem, confidence and overall enjoyment of life and I believe that makes a massive difference to our mindset around dating. I’m not saying that online dating isn’t effective, but there has been an emerging trend over the last 15 years which sees so many women use it as their only option. Life is for living, not for swiping!

What sort of networking would you recommend for people who are single and looking for a partner?

I’m a massive believer in casting your social network wider and living a fabulous life that brings you joy in order to attract love into your life. I do NOT encourage women to go out on a laser focused mission to FIND A BOYFRIEND. It’s exhausting and depressing. Instead, connect with the things that make your soul sing. Take up that hobby you’ve been meaning to but never found the time for, reconnect with old friends and make new ones. The more interested you get in life, the more interesting life gets and you are far more likely to meet the man of your dreams organically doing something you love. Get out in your local community, join Meet Up groups, embrace life and all that it has to offer.

Begin fostering a strong relationship with yourself first and foremost and love will come.

What do you think about online and app dating? 

Look, the statistics show online dating sites work for some and so they it can’t be ignored. But as I’ve mentioned before, I don’t think online alone is a great way to date. It puts so much pressure on both parties and the free apps especially can be abused and depressing. There is a great profile and a not so great profile so if you’re going to have one, make sure it’s one of the great ones! And have a great strategy and selection process too. Get in touch if you want to hear more about how to make online dating work, but my biggest piece of advice is not to rely on it solely.

What advice would you give to a woman who feels she’s ready to give up on dating due to age or career responsibilities? 

Love doesn’t discriminate against age! You can’t be too old to love or be loved so let me dispel that myth immediately.

When it comes to career responsibilities I believe many women hide behind that as an excuse. In order to find, build and maintain a loving relationship, you need to make time for it. Pure and simple. We are all blessed with 24 hours in 7 days, every week and we can all find time to be more open to creating opportunity in the smallest of ways if we wish. For example, taking your lunch and eating it in a public place; making eye contact, starting conversation and creating opportunities to speak to actual people (heaven forbid!) instead of throwing a sandwich down your throat at your computer while scrolling through Facebook for 30 minutes. Small changes can make a huge difference! If you’re really committed to attracting love into your life, you have to action it. The reality is, if you’re working every God given hour and not creating the opportunity to meet new people, then you’re going to continue getting the same results in your love life. Love is a choice.

You’re single yourself at the moment, do your clients question why? 

No not at all. I am single by choice and as I said, if you choose to put career first above everything else (as I am doing now) then that’s what you’ll get. I have such an abundance of love and connection in my life, I’m certainly not lonely. I enjoy meeting new people and have loved testing out attraction strategies and dating theories (I have some hilarious stories, I’ll be writing a book this year for sure!) so am happy to be an active dater for a while longer. And my clients love that I’m doing the do with them. I’m really not looking for a committed relationship just yet. But when I am, I know he’ll be ready for me too – and he’ll be utterly fabulous – there’ll be no settling.

What would you consider to be the perfect first date? 

I believe first dates should be short, sharp and sweet. There’s nothing more depressing than going to a huge amount of effort to get dressed up to meet a guy for a dinner date on a Saturday night just to find out he’s a bit of an idiot. Coffee on a weekend morning or a quick after work drink (before you move on to have dinner with friends – remember you’re busy and fabulous) gives you enough time to suss each other out and decide if he’s worth giving up a full evening of your time for. And if there’s chemistry he’ll be gutted that you have to rush off for that dinner with your mates. The key to attraction is to leave him wanting more!

How do you balance running a business and your wellness? Do you have any favourite rituals? 

The way I see it is that I can’t run my business if I’m not well and happy, so I make time to be active. I go to the gym 3-4 times a week, meditate daily and book time in my diary to see my friends – I have a social engagement daily, even if it’s just a walk along the beach with my bestie for half an hour. My tribe are important to me and connection is one of my top values – I have no interest in doing life by myself – it’s too hard!

Is there a natural beauty product you can’t live without? 

Recently I’ve begun to take more care of my skin – it’s not getting any younger after all! And when I noticed that I was getting spots on top of wrinkles I decided my skin routine needed to step up a gear. I’ve started using an Organic Spa moisturizer and I’m totally in love with it (thanks Belinda!).

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How do people get in touch with you and do you have any programs or offers at the moment?

I am running a FREE half day event for single women in Melbourne on Feb 25th. Seats are filling fast so please register sooner rather than later. http://bit.ly/2jXPKay Follow me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/emily.chadbourne.5 to keep up to date with all my Facebook LIVES and subscribe to my You Tube channel http://bit.ly/2k4FYE9 for all my video’s and blogs, full of free dating advice. And of course you can find me at my website, www.thatcrazythingcalledlove.com.au

Thank you for being our February cover!

Belinda Hughes

Editor of Natural Beauty Expert and a professional beauty therapist who is passionate about natural and organic beauty products. Belinda will help her followers navigate their way around what natural beauty is and the best way to get it. Expert advice combined with the hottest trends.

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