3 Keys To Loving Yourself In The Bedroom

We’re often told to ‘love yourself’. Our friends tell us, self help books emphasise it, heck even Justin Bieber sings about it.

But what does it really mean? It’s far from thinking you’re arrogant, but rather having unconditional self acceptance. Each of us is unique. If you want to have a truly successful and intimate relationship, loving yourself is a prerequisite. We all know this. But knowing it and actualising it are two different things. However, it is possible to discover a place in which loving yourself comes naturally. Sound good? Below are my tips on loving yourself when it comes to the bedroom.

#1 Put some alone time on your ‘to-do’ list

Having great sex comes down to knowing what you like and communicating your desires. Tell your significant other what you want. Direction is hot – it’s raw and real. Alone time in the bedroom is crucial to find out what you like. It gets you in touch with your body, more confident in your sexuality, it makes you more orgasmic, floods your body with happy hormones which generally makes you overall happier and healthier. Yes please. Never be embarrassed for who you are and what you want. The gift of life is our ability to feel pleasure, to know pleasure.

Set yourself up in a luscious environment, put on your favourite music that gets you in the mood, soft lighting, lots of pillows stacked behind you so that you’re reclining rather than flat on your back. Giving yourself an intimate massage is a beautiful self-pleasure practice. Discover your sexual desires and fantasies, whilst allowing yourself to relax in your own touch and pleasure.

#2 Validate yourself

Do you often feel anxious that you’re not performing well enough or that you don’t look good enough to be approved of? How exhausting it is to spend your life worrying about whether or not other people value you. How do we stop these thoughts? Validate yourself. Learn to give yourself the attention, acceptance and the love that you seek from others. Poor self esteem can show up in the bedroom and can really hold oneself back from being fully present. If a woman undresses in the dark, feels embarrassed, doesn’t want to be touched, and can’t seem to let go and experience orgasm – more than likely they don’t value themselves enough to fully enjoy sex.

#3 Invest in yourself

When you truly love yourself, you take care of yourself completely. In mind and body. There is only one you, so why not make every effort to be the best you, and give yourself the best. Conversely, if you don’t love yourself (yet) and it’s a work-in-progress, start taking care of your mind and body. You will become more self-aware and generate feelings of self worth and accomplishment.

Appreciating your body also involves taking care of it and being conscious of what you are putting on and inside your body. Happy vagina equals a happy lady. Your vagina’s membranes absorb chemicals faster than any other part of your body. Should you care about what you put in there? Definitely. Personal lubricants are a great way to spice up your sex life. Introducing lube into your sex routine is far from a sign of failure or even adventure, it’s an opportunity to realise how good sex can be and improve what you already have. We all know how great coconut oil is – weight loss, a killer tan, lustrous locks – coconut oil. But what about the bedroom? Coconut oil is one of the best things you can use as a lubricant to get things moving along smoothly. It’s natural, non-toxic, good for you and good for the environment. Sound like you need to give coconut oil a go in the bedroom? Private is a one ingredient, coconut oil personal lubricant with discreet packaging. Leave it on your bedside or on your bathroom shelf and no one would know any different and it’s available from

It’s no secret that exercise boosts your mood and releases feel good hormones, which paves the way for self love. Your body loves to move. Go to a yoga, or pilates class, a run – whatever feels good for your body and mind. I personally love Bikram Yoga. Something that started off in hope of losing a few unwanted holiday kilos, turned into an addiction – it clears my mind and starts my day right. I purely practice Bikram now, because I genuinely love it and how it makes me feel. Find something that works for you and that you enjoy. Taking care of your body will re-charge your self esteem which will do wonders in the bedroom. Nothing is sexier than a confident woman.

Latest posts by Bernadette Finney (see all)